Why?

Highschool was a messed-up time. Though, looking back now, I was in my prime. It was emotional to say the least. All the unexpected visits from the hormone beast. Thankful, I wasn’t the only one. My friends and I still had fun. I was never a cheerleader or an attention seeker. Still, I often wondered why didn’t my dad say, “I want to keep her”? Perhaps things would’ve been different with a father. What was wrong with me that made him not want to bother? Maybe he wanted a boy to raise. I’ve heard my younger brother grew up with his praise. Although, I don’t know either of them, probably never will. I wonder about them, looking them up from time to time still. But I’ll stay in the shadows, so I don’t interfere with their lives. To myself and in my head, I’ll ask my “whys?”

My sister was different, much bolder than I. After all that time she still gave it a try. I heard it didn’t go so well. My fear has me thinking “oh, well”. Their loss, I guess. Let them live with less. None of them even showed up when she passed. So much for a relationship I would even want to have last. How could they just not care. Treatment like that is just so unfair. Honestly, I didn’t even realize how upset I was about them not showing up for her. Until typing this right now, I’m really upset for her. More pain I have to get rid of and let go. Kinda feels good just letting it flow.